Bat Girl - The Musical

Think of the money we could make!

The Wake-Up Sequence

It is now pretty standard from day-to-day. And always funny.

Phase 1: The Spread


Phase 2: The Punch


Phase 3: The Squish

Pass the Salt!

New iPod Nano Case

How am I supposed to not lose one of these things in the dryer?

Mondays

Don't worry kid, I know the feeling:

Over. Whelmed.

This morning, while enjoying time on the stationary bike [a quick aside for those in the dark...I absoltuely detest riding the stupid stationary bike, however - after 7 weeks and 6 days - I am still unable to run. So please inject your own version of extreme sarcasm, and re-read the previous sentence. Thank you.]

On to my point -- so, there I am -- brushing up on some passages from Søren Kierkegaard, while listening to Sportscenter. A bit of Danish philosophy on virtue, whipped up with the Top 10 plays of the week. I come across a sentence that really stuck with me - maybe I was looking for something, maybe it found me - but here goes:

"Anxiety is only the dizziness of freedom."

Since elle's release, I have tried to isolate how I have felt...always in a rush, a bit bossy (as my father pointed out), headache, pounding chest, blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine. I think everyone just assumed I was tired -- you know everyone keeps telling me how tired new parents are...yes, I am tired - but I am not going to mope around all day and tell everyone how tired I am -- how lame.

Anyway, I knew it was something else -- anxiety. Not anxoius that I would screw up on my first week on the elle-job, or that I was going into some random post-partum-by-association bout of depression. It was anxiety that I have this beautiful little creature who is totally dependent on us for everything. And after reading that phrase - it clicked - being a new parent isn't about how demanding or difficult it can be, it is about freedom.

We are free. Free to do whatever we can to make elle happy - to learn makes her smile, what makes her cry, what will be fun, and what will cause frustration. We have the opportunity to show her the world, and in return - we have the delicious challenge of seeing how good we can make life for our baby. That is fantastic.

So - after all that, I am not full of anxiety - I am just a little dizzy!

Cannibal Baby

Mom taste good!!!

My Academy Awards Speech

As 'official' notecards are being prepared in a small factory outside of Sri Lanka, I wanted to compile a quick list of some people that I want to thank for their extra effort over the course of the past few days, weeks, and months:

Skud - Always quick with common sense advice. And wine. And DC cake.
Team Davis - The dress is beautiful, but the hat doesn't fit me?
The Dell-Reays - Excellent 4th of July parties, and parenting skills to which I aspire.
Gina R - I shouldn't admit it, but I would pay double.
Champ, MD, and the Lawyer - The inspiration for Foster.
Reform - For the orange Lilys...My core is stronger just by looking at them.
C&C - Mmmmm....bagels.
Jenpacekarchris - Jelly Bellys and blankets - what else do you need?
Henstorffers - Call me when you find the Polvo's of Cambridge.

This list is in no way complete, but the kids above have made me warm and gooey inside with their kindness.

Holy Episiotomy, Batman!

I am not trolling the web for pictures of freak-babies -- but this is too good to pass up:



Maybe the picture does not quite give you the scale of this monster - but his digits show up as 15 lbs, 2 oz., with a 21-inch dome. Uhh....for comparison - a standard bowlng ball is 20-inches. Yup, it hurts just thinking about it.

Baby's First...

As a new parent, I think its my duty to now use various developmental milestones to track the growth and progresion of elle.

Being only a week old, the changes are limited - but as she evolves, I will certainly remember the first time sitting up, the first time she crawls, and the first steps. For now, I like to find small victories -- so I present to you:

The First Mohawk!

Happy Birthday!

Well, not really...but today was the day we were originally told that she would hatch was back in January -- so, Happy Original Dueday!

What a flash -- elle has been in our lives for a week. An amazing, wonderful, and intermittently stressful week.

Some random observations/thoughts:

+ At what time does 'staying up late' rollover into 'being up early'? My guess - 3:50am.

+ Who would have guessed that seeing your baby shake like a trapped wolverine could be so funny.

+ Wipe down and away. Since I have never had a vagina, it turns out that cleaning the undercarriage of new baby requires an alternative technique than I had planned.

+ Note to self: must practice the swaddle.

+ I never thought I would ever be in a position to develop an opinion, but I prefer Huggies to Pampers.

Lessons in Dermatology

We had a quick trip to the pediatrician this week to make sure that everything is clicking along as expected...elle passed all the checks with flying colors - and they did a fantastic job at reassuring us that we have yet to do anything to her that will result in permanent physical ('What happened to my right earlobe?) or mental ('I don't care what you say - I'm gonna be a stripper!') damage.

We were a little worried when we saw this blue-greenish spot on her right cheek, but they said to not worry about -- we can just laser it off in a few years:

Excellence in Healthcare

I need to distance myself from Seton for another couple of days before I can possibly attempt to write anything nice.

A few random comments from the weekend:

Delivery Nurse : 'I guess you can still push if you want.'
Recovery Nurse: 'Oh, I totally forgot about your pain medicine.'
Nursery Attendent: 'Hmm, where did I put her? Is she wearing green? How big is she?'
The obstetrician: 'Hey guys, sorry I am late -- the BBQ place was packed!'

One for you, and one for you.

I am sure that most can look at this photo and think of all the challenges, hardship, and medical complications.

After the past few days, all I see is an ultra-efficient breastfeeding machine.

The Orkin Man

With the fiery weather this past summer, a few critters have decided that they prefer our air-conditioned home to their natural habitat, so we made sure that the estate should be scrubbed clean and treated before elle decided to set up her tent.

I thought that we got all the creepy-crawlies to relocate, but wouldn't you know it - the elusive Baby Chewing Hill Country Yellow Duck made its' way into the crib last night. Luckily - after snapping a few photos - I was able to salvage elle before it was too late.

Stamped

Suck it, TomKat!

'A source from the Vanity Fair shoot says the baby looks enough like Cruise and Holmes for their parentage to be plausible,
but that it is a bit of a runt, and required 21 days of photography, plus three days of digital touching-up, before the magazine and celebrity parents had a cover image they liked.'

Other than a quick spin through the tanning salon on the way home - this is 100% elle.

What? Do you think we're monsters? We only did the spray-on tan.

A few snaps

See, she does have eyes:




YAWN!

Locked and Loaded

Yeehaw! The first car ride



Finally back on home turf. We got a new roof last month, elle was suitably impressed:

Hey, Mr. DJ

I spent 7 minutes wondering what would be the perfect soundtrack for the ride home. Totally irrelevant to elle, I thought it would be a seminal moment for us -- something to trigger a thought in the coming months and years. My taste in music veers a bit off the standard path. I am not a social retard, so I can identify every crappy song that seems to be on every single radio station. But, I roll a bit deeper when it comes to my own hymns. So I have created a dilemma - what is relevant, but timeless. Who captures emotion, who can I dial up and create a mood, who sounds just-as-fresh today as they did 20 years ago, but will sound tasty in another twenty? All that, plus I think elle needed a nice beat! What to do, what to do?

My brain has had Radiohead on constant shuffle for the past 3 years, but I thought all the beeps and blips might confuse the poor child. Oh, I know what you're thinking...but we listened to Wham on the way to the hospital on Thursday, so they are out also.

Got it.

U2.

Mine, mine, mine!

I stayed up last night and had a long talk with the smaller of my 2 favorite ladies.

LL was getting much needed rest, so we got the chance to chat. Since she can't seem to talk yet (what is wrong with her!) It was more of a closed-forum monologue. Anywho, in that bonding session -- I felt that fatherly instinct kick-in, and I made her some promises:


1. Neither her name, school, nor sport, will never be applied to the back of my car.



2. I will make a very strong effort at not using her as a drug mule.



3. I will not tattoo her name across my neck.



4. Cake will fix most problems.



5. Many, many years from know. Likely at her wedding rehearsal dinner - I will tell her the story about her middle name.

Li'l Brooklyn

I know everyone is waiting patiently for updates...



More on Saturday when we land back at basecamp!

Ice Cream

New and improved!

Fast acting!

Chock full of pomegranite!

And 58% less cone!

Snug as bug

I think I get a few days to talk about the mostest beautifulest thing I have ever seen?

My daughter, elle @ 3 hours:

Silly Rabbit

Where do I even start?

elle Foster Kozusko - perfect. Absolutely perfect. Actually...truth be told, she has this insane conehead, but apparently it goes away. And with her chic new hat, you can't even tell.

Laura Lee Kozusko - perfect. Absolutely perfect. She is crazy-tired, and she certainly put in a long day.

Remember back in the day of good cereal? You know - sitting around on Saturday morning watching Looney Tunes --eating the good stuff - Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, maybe some Cocoa Puffs. So there you are -- and you know that there is an awesome prize at the bottom of the box, but you have to get down there without making a gigantic mess.

Well, that's what today was like. Except for the fact that the Lucky Charms box was LL, and the Hot Wheels car was elle. I knew for a FACT that there was something in there, it just wasn't coming out. So after 3 hours of searching, we got the prize!

Six pounds and three ounces. Twenty inches long.

Thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes - The Kozusko Family.

The meal after lunch, before dessert

With the in-laws in town from Alabama, we don't eat dinner. We have supper.

Updates tomorrow as time and wifi connections permit. Stay tuned!

Let me see your Escarole

Step away from the sushi. Do not touch the sushi. Pretend you do not see the sushi.

Over the course of the past 9 (10?) months, LL has received gobs of well-meaning, unsolicited advice on what to do and - more commonly - what not to do. The obvious nuggets of wisdom are related to alcohol, caffeine, and sushi. More precisely, our 3 primary food groups.

1. Alcohol. Meh...no big deal.
2. Caffeine. I guess you win some and lose some. Caffeine won this one -- just a cup in the morning to get the brain working.
3. Sushi. Whoa, Tokyo, we have a problem. But, I have to give her credit -- other than a couple of minnow-sized nibbles at some tuna last month, she pushed through and had no raw fish. Until last night.

We could never quite figure out a legitimate source of the fish ban, but she stuck by the rules. Would elle grow 3 ears? Have no belly-button? Cross-eyed? Whatever the outcome, we figured the since we were less than 48 hours from birth, she is probably done cooking, so let's go out in style. Keep your Uchi in your pants, because the best sushi in town can be found at Musashino. Short wait, zero attitude, and no silly teriyaki-infused seafoam reduction marinades stealing the flavor, just perfect fish.

http://www.musashinosushi.com/

We had a blast - and if elle comes out with 9 fingers, LL thinks it was worth it.

Linen? Taffeta? Organza?

Goodness gracious...what do you wear to a birth?

I'm going to be up all night.

The optimist strikes back

Over the course of the past several months, we let thoughts creep into our heads about the new level of responsibility we are taking into our lives. Not inherently negative, but just little reminders that things **will** change. I know, I know -- we will be able to do all of the same things that we have been doing, but they will certainly take on a new level of planning and coordination of schedules. Some examples:

This will be our last vacation...

This is the last Sunday we can sleep in...

This is the last time we can play 'Peanut Butter-Jelly' as loud as the speakers can handle...

Well, in the past two days -- the 'lasts' have become more frequent:

Just yesterday, I most likely had the last warm Gingerbread muffin I will ever eat without the title of 'Dad'. And tonight will be the last time that I can watch Project Runway, without having ever changed a diaper. Lordy, think how the day will unravel -- I just ate my last bagel, the last email, the last swim workout, the last Shiner Bock, the last, the last, the last!!!

But you know what, by tomorrow afternoon -- life **will** change. And just think how great it will be to have an entire list of 'firsts'. Think back to all of your firsts -- the first time you got that perfect bear-hug from the person you love, that first kiss, the first taste of birthday cake, the first time you felt snow!

I can't wait to start my new list.

Spin Doctors

Drop everything you are doing. Consult your favorite resource for movie listings and go see 'Little Miss Sunshine'.

You can thank me later.

MMmmm....Spaghetti Squash

Since most of you have not had the pleasure of visiting in person, I thought I would give a brief tour:

The nest:



The wheels:



Baby's Mama:



Oops - wrong photo, update below:

Two, no six, no twelve, baker's dozen!

Sometimes, the post title is more interesting than the actual post. Of course, that would assume that you were snappy enough to decipher the connection!

Talked with my father today -- after sharing his thoughts on the conspiracy that is Castro, he launched into the question that he has asked every single phone call since last December. "How is LL and Little Kazoo?" He gets so tickled everytime he asks about her. However, there is a hitch..he doesn't want to know that she is a she. Since he absotively certain that Little Kazoo is going to be a bouncing baby boy! So, for 3 more days - he gets to sleep in the comfort that he has a grandson on the way. Mmmm....life's little surprises.

100k

A bit of oversleeping had me rolling out for my bike ride around 8:15. I started out with the ATC ride, but was left solo around 20 miles with the majority of the group turning back, and the rest of the group a fading blob a mile ahead. This left me with about 2.5 hours of solitude before I made it back home. Nice, in a way.

Approximate distance into my ride, with thoughts:

Mile 21 - A sign touting The Hill Country Galleria - over 1 MILLION sq.ft. for lease - how depressing. Goodbye Backyard.
Mile 24 - What color should we paint the house?
Mile 27 - Should I invent a habit of not capitalizing Elle? elle? Elle? elle?
Mile 36 - Should I turn and go home to make it 50 for the day?
Mile 36.3 - I think I'll go straight.
Mile 39 - What if elle (there is your answer) comes out all hairy?

Mile 42 - I really would like a Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll.
Mile 43.5 - That sure was a tasty Swiss Cake Roll, thanks to Mr. Walgreen for building a store right here.
Mile 46 - If I was (were?) a Steiner, I would have not sold my ranch for construction of crappy homes.
Mile 53 - Boy, I'm bored and thirsty.
Mile 60.6 - If I take the long way home, I will ride 62 miles, which is 100 kilometers.
Mile 62.3 - Yes, I'm that pathetic. But what would be interesting about a post titled "98k"?

William Tecumseh Sherman

A few years ago, in 1864, Sherman burned down Atlanta during the Civil War. After spending the past couple of days in Atlanta - I don't blame him.

Between the thugged-out wannabe rappers, and the unemployed - I didn't exactly fit into the demographic profile of the city.

It will have to do more work to supplant Houston is my least-favorite city, but it made a big move this week.

Home is good.

One Week Until...

One final, ultimate, last, antipodal, conclusive, determinate, definitive, terminal week.

T-minus seven days until we are parents.

The crib is in, the curtains are hung, the clothes are ready, the carseat is installed, the books have been read, and now all we need is another human to obsess over.

Elle Foster Kozusko, worldwide release date= 08.17.06.

Scary? Sure. Fun? Kinda'. Am I worried? Nope.