Feliz Navidad

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Whoa. Big Day...

We started off with a visit to the pediatrician. Great guy, but he happens to employ a lady who has chosen the wrong profession, I will now refer to her as The World's Meanest Nurse until she changes my mind.

Four sticks! Photographic evidence of the damage:



Then, to round out the morning - I had a strange feeling that elle wanted some of my 11 o'clock banana.

The following 5 minutes were....interesting:

4 Months!

Hey -- look over there!

Elf You.

This will take you to an external site (Office Max, of all places...) - but it is worth every second of time.

I have no clue how to embed links - but click on the little blue question mark.

Seriously. Trust Me.

Opera Lovers Unite!

Appreciation for fine operatic performance has been on the decrease for far too many years -- it is my hope that this video clip helps strengthen your interest in this classical art...

A Bear Day:

Bear Up:


Bear Down:


Bear O.K.:

En fuego!

The flaming angel:

'tis the season

Look what we found in our couch - our own little Gingerbread Baby:

In the name of the father...

Prayer before meals? Sure.

Before bed? Why not.

But elle has a new one for you - she has decided to throw down a prayer during bath-time:

The Abominable Baby

Lucky for all of you innocent villagers, we have this big-eared, fuzzy creature strapped down so she won't attack anyone:

The Cardinal

I know, I know - it is actually called the Baby Jogger...but **jogging** has a certain connotation that implies a more liesurely pace than elle is capable of acheiving, so she wanted to rename her new ride as the Turbospeed 3000 Mega-Baby Hypermove Rocket, aka The Cardinal.

Here are a couple of pics of elle in her new home-away-from-home:

One from the viewpoint of the cars we will run off the road while we play chicken into oncoming traffic:



And one taken by your trusty pilot:

Not even a mouse...

Stockings. Hung by the chimney. With care.

My Christmas List

I only really want one thing this year -- if you find one on sale, even if it is a different color - go ahead and grab it for me!

A lightbulb-changing orangtuan:

Uh...Hello?

Do you think I could get a little help here?

What's in that trunk?

We can only hope she grows into this belly...and I wouldn't recommend reminding her of her new saddlebags in back - she gets cranky:

DANGER! DANGER!

For the safety of everyone - hide the children and stay indoors until further notice!

A jaguar has been seen roaming the streets of West Austin:

Brrrr...

Lookie here - it finally got cold in Austin!

Squeaky was a bit confused by the need for headwear, but she was straight-rockin' the hoodie.

So long, sucker!

That's right kids, elle was *encouraged* to get rid of the pacifier this week -- she didn't have much say in the matter, but cold-turkey is the only way to go.

With all of the free time that she created by not sucking - she has picked up cross-stitching, learning some (basic) Mandarin Chinese, and fixed the weatherstripping on the french doors in back.

Please, a moment of silence for the last picture of elle and our good friend, The Pacifier:

I'm this tall.

Topless babes!!

Drunk. Again.

8 Seconds

We purchased this contraption called Bumbo -- I don't fit in the thing, but according to elle - it forces you to sit upright and makes for a fairly challenging workout for someone that weighs 13 lbs. Everytime she gets loaded into Bumbo, she grabs onto the base like she getting to take on the mechanical bull at Gilley's:

The Joker

It may be hard to imagine, but these pictures were taken about 3 seconds apart...the fake pout is becoming one of her favorite faces - usually followed by a super-smile because she realizes that the frown doesn't seem to work:

Best Friends

Be very, very quiet - elle and her new sleeping buddy are catching some shut-eye:

My Fabulous New Dress

I didn't really like the green - now we are feeling pinky!

Great Advice

Gobble, Gobble.

The crew is back - we survived Thanksigving '06 in Alabama.



The biggest development was that the sprout has been renamed Ale, which is the Southern translation of elle.

The menu had a distinct lack of pumpkin-related items, but everyone got along like Pilgrims and Indians.

Who ordered the Tofurky?

Us and the young one are heading off to Alabammy for a heapin' helpin' of hospitality over the next few days...it may seem hard to believe, but the number of wireless cafes in Selma is pretty low - so updates may be spotty until we return this weekend.

Enjoy your bird:

Electric Boogaloo

Since elle is now 3 months and 2 days old - we figured it was time to put her to work. Since she has the potential to be the only person under our roof with a job, we needed to act quick.

Being her legal guardian, I thought it would be best that I function as her career coach and business manager.

I spent most of the day trying to find out what type of employment would suit her skill set and interests...in looking at the want ads, there is not much demand for screaming people, people who throw-up on themselves, or people who regularly pee in their pants. That pretty much crosses-off my first 3 ideas.

Then it hit me! She has been practicing very, very hard on some new spins -- so all we need is some sweet beats and a flattened carboard box - and we are one-step closer to retirement!

Bust a move:

SpongeBob ellePants

Kickin' back in her new chair - watching some 'toons.

3 months?

Already?

Seems like we just bought the little critter a few days ago. Well...some nights it seems like she has been around for 11 years -- but she always makes up for it with her drunken smile.

To the best three months of my life....

Little Houdini

We were told about this blanket, The Swaddle, that takes all of the complication and guesswork out of attempting to create a tiny burrito out of your baby. Once again, Velcro to the rescue. So, elle loved this thing until last week -- she started to discover these dangly things that we call 'arms'. Now, everytime we put the Swaddle into action, she spends the first 10 minutes of bedtime trying to wrangle herself out of our contraption.

Here is a photo of the one-armed bandit after she escaped:

Zat you Santa?

Since the Christmas season now starts around Halloween, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I saw Santa at Randall's today.

However, in looking at his basket I was a bit disturbed at his purchases: Worcestershire sauce, a slice of cake, pantyhose, and a hammer. Based on his pruchases, I can only guess that he is planning to knock someone out, tie them up, cook them in nice marinade, and finish up the afternoon with some cake.

Advil anyone?

To the best of our knowledge, elle didn't go out drinking Saturday night, but if she did - I imagine that her hangover would look a whole lot like this picture:

A change of blog-clothes...

You haven't heard?

Edamame is the hot color for fall.

Kung-Fu Baby

Note to self: Keep video camera in close reach...

Whack-A-Mole

Who keeps popping their head up...

The Mountains of Busch

Put down that there camera and go on and fetch me another beer...

The wayyyyy back machine

Look what I came across this week - isn't she cute?

Use it or lose it.

Did you?

The 'people election' was not nearly as relevant to me as the Austin Municipal Proposition items, so I tucked elle into the Bjorn and we hiked up to Casis to vote.

We checked off the appropriate boxes on the lengthy ballot, and then we came to the section for the Governor.

Texas has a very weak-governor system, accordingly - we have been blessed with very weak governors.

Who to vote for? The least of all evils? The underdog?

I evaluated the candidates to reach a conclusion on who would be the best use of my vote, and then it struck me - the answer was right in front of me - so, with all polls reporting -- Elle Foster Kozusko has 1 vote.

In comparing her to the competition - it really became quite an easy task:

1. Just like Rick Perry - elle babbles incoherently, has yet to say anything of meaning, and likes men.

2. She has absolutely no experience in politics and has no business being 'in charge' of anything - that takes care of Kinky.

3. No one has any clue who she is, hello Chris Bell.

4. Carol Keeton Rylander Jingleheimer Pocohantas Grandma Strayhorn also needs to wear diapers, so that is a draw.

Maybe I started the campaign a bit too late for this year, but join me in kicking off the candidacy for next time:

Elle for Governor in 2010!

Hooray for Hollywood!!

Look who made it to see the bright lights of Tinseltown...



Of course, after a few hours of the flashbulbs - she decided to escape the paparazzi and go low-profile:

The Perfect Sunday...

What to do, what to do?

Errrands? Laundry? Cleaning?

Nope - naptime.

Come on...Doesn't she make it look tempting:

Tips for the First-Time Parent

[adapted liberally from the always-brilliant Onion...]

Becoming a parent can be a bewildering experience...here are some tips that I have found helpful to get us through the first few months:

1. Wait at least three weeks before tattooing baby.

2. If your baby starts to choke, don't help; allowing the infant to cough up the blockage "all-by-myself" will help tremendously in the development of his or her self-esteem.

3. Always store baby in a secure, locked drawer when not in use.

4. Prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by screaming at baby every five minutes, "Are you okay, baby?!"

5. Tired of your baby's fat, wrinkled appearance? Apply a hot iron to him or her for 30 seconds on each side.

6. Baby carriers are a needless expense; try a metal pail instead.

7. Your newborn's tiny fingers and toes look so cute that you may want to just nibble them right off, but don't— fingers and toes do not grow back.

8. When mailing baby across country, be sure to poke holes in box.

9. Car safety is an important, all-too-often overlooked facet of infant care, weigh child down with a cinderblock to keep him or her from flying out of pickup bed.

10. When referring to baby in third-person, always use pronoun "it".

11. Develop your baby's hand-eye coordination by shooting rubberbands in his or her face; in time, the child will learn to block them.

Not to Worry...

Despite an early morning attack by a rare Land Squid, elle has recovered nicely and is resting back in her crib.

A Day in the Life of a Monster

More Specifically, a Blue Monster.

As every Blue Monster parent knows, there are 4 distinct phases of being a Blue Monster.

Phase 1 - Arrrggghhhh!
During which Blue Monster is determined to scare everyone.



Phase 2 - What the Hell?
When Blue Monster is in the midst of scaring and is totally confused by excess fur.



Phase 3 - Bo-ring.
Blue Monster must take a small monster-nap, despite the need to scare people.




Phase 3 - Get my ass home. Now.
Occurs at the point wherein Blue Monster is finished scaring, steaming hot, and ready to go home.